If the Lord is here then where is He? Why do I search for Him? He said in the bible that, whatever I ask of Him, He will give? I ask Him forgiveness of all my shortcomings, but He is deaf and blind that He cannot see me. Why He does not actually recognized me? I want to serve His people and believe that I can, but where is He. Maybe He is very busy.
When I was very young at about five years old, I had a dream:
The first scene, I was very busy playing at a railroad track in our town besides the plaza. At that moment there was a procession in vivid colors of saints coming out of the church entrance towards me where St Joseph in his green habit was the one leading. They are assorted of saints in long procession. At same moment I broke the steel railway where they are having a procession. The railway seems so old enough. Then Joseph was angry at me even if I was trying myself to repair it. Of course I cried too much.
The second scene was that, I was cradled by Jesus Christ himself in His arms while He was sitting on a chair at the near center of our hexagonal wooden kiosk. He has a red color habit and I was still crying in his arms. I even saw his pimples in his face and his eyes looking at me, and then suddenly he kissed me. When I look around, there were so many people around us. There was a very big crowd.
I do not know the meaning of that dream, that it was so vivid that I cannot forget it. I ask my mother about it the time we woke up but my mother was very busy smoking and did not reply to me. She just ignored my dream.
When I try to recall my past it was complicated and was not good because of too much hardships and sacrifices. I grown up having nothing compared to other children. My parents were very poor that three of my sisters died at a very young age except Zenaida at nearly seven years old. We seldom eat rice mostly rootcrops from our farmland. I have only very few clothes and no shoes. I serve as an altar boy at our church in Giporlos in my high school days.
After I got married I serve the church as lay minister for a few years and tried myself very much to search for the Lord. But I did not find him in my heart as they said. But so many times in my life I feel his presence while I am in great trouble.
I have many experiences in life that nearly cost my life and firmly believe that He intervenes in so many instances.
At an early age of less than ten years old on Christmas day, I was standing at a corner street, when suddenly a Jeepney was making a speedy curb dragging a corrugated galvanized roofing iron to produced so much noise just after 12:00 midnight as part of the Christmas celebration, the galvanized iron nearly hit me, if not for the big solid steel in that corner where the galvanized iron hit and made me protected by it as it smash. If not because of that steel I have been cut by it and surely dead.
In the year 1989, I worked in the coal mine of Giporlos as a contractor when at one time a very big boulder of soft coal give way where my right leg was pin down and the people there help me untangle my position from that situation where a more cave in is going to happen that I should have been dead. A man working by my side help me so much. I was saved.
Sometime on August 2007 when I was in the Pacific Ocean for 15 days catching yellow fins as an adventure, about 135 miles East of Samar island on a 4DR5 Fuso Canter motorized boat, there was a typhoon coming on day 13 and we were forced to go home. While going home it was a life and death situation since our boat was very small and floating only about one foot clear from the ocean surface. We were only three people on that time Prody, Noli and me. The black sky was circling above us and raining too much night and day. The waves were so high and our speed was only one mile per hour as seen in our GPS. There and then I prayed to God for my death as an acceptable proposition. I told Him honestly that I AM READY TO DIE AS YOU WISH EVEN IN THE SEA. I prayed so hard and accepted death to come at any time as there was plentiful of sea water coming inside our boat. No land in sight. But after two days we see an island and a lighthouse in it, and give us hope for life. The Lord did not want me to die in the sea, only to find out later when we arrived home that the rear of the boat was badly damaged. At that time I am sure that the Lord has interfered with my life for good and maybe for a reason. But until now I do not know my mission in life. What does He want me to do with my remaining life here on earth? Is it enough looking at me like this all throughout? What should I do to let Him come into my heart and stay permanently?
So, if the Lord is here then where is He?
ching, the dreamer
chingesic@gmail.com
Sometimes I keep on wondering if the Lord is real or imaginary. In so many instances, he is real. But if you will read the bible there is so much confusions that will enter into your mind, and when He said that ask and it will be given, knock and the door will be opened, does He really mean it? Because, I have been praying for all my life and it seems to me that not all of my prayers were answered, or answered by Him. But I personally answered my own prayers as it seemed.
ReplyDelete